With my son turning one in a few days, I can’t help but think back at the past year and the experience I have had as a first time parent.  I admit, like many, began reading anything that would bring me some insight into what this new chapter in my life would offer.  Finding out very quickly that these books although informative lacked the reality of the situation, these books, did not prepare me for what was to come once my baby boy came home.

My experience as a mother has been exciting, overwhelming, confusing, difficult, demanding and this past year I ...

• think about how I still haven’t managed to sleep through the night
• look at my son and love watching him grow, but can not seem to cope with the reality that he is growing up.
• realize how much easier my heart breaks
• feel I have recovered my identity as a woman
• learned that the key to sanity is to have very good friends
• do not worry about things that are beyond my control
• learned that being spiteful solves nothing
• am very grateful for those quiet moments
• learned that motherhood does not come with a set of instructions
• learned that I can achieve anything
• now know, disconnecting is often the best remedy
• learned that harping on the past won’t change the present
• love how my son melts my heart
• have stopped second guessing myself

Like many, I have had moments of great joy as well as days of sorrow and adversity.  For me, insomnia has been the culprit for my mental, emotional and physical meltdowns. Despite the difficulties and as I've stated in a previous post, motherhood for me continues to feel like walking around with my heart outside body.